The power of handshakes

It's always hard to meet with people who don't like or don't trust you. It's even harder in open, public meetings, where your antagonists can merge into the crowd while you're in a fishbowl up at the front. You can't prevent people from being hostile, but here are tips to manage the conflict.

• Diagnose the hostility the way you would any other problem. Why is the other side angry? Is it because of what you did, or perhaps what you are? (If you're a planner in a neighborhood that has had bad relationships with earlier planners, you may be seen as a proxy for those others.)
• Identify those people who are leading or stoking the hostility. Try to understand their concerns.
• Go to the meeting early and seek out the antagonists. Say hello, shake their hands and make small talk. Do not try to resolve conflict there, or discourage them from speaking up at the meeting. If they want to express their anger there, encourage them to talk with you at another time. If you try to engage in conflict resolution before the meeting, you may lose your focus.
• Under the best of circumstances, your antagonists will find your actions disarming and be willing to think about you in a more charitable way.
• If the antagonists refuse to engage you, or even shake your hand, that's ok too. Remember that others might be watching. If they see you make an effort and be rebuffed, it might make you look better, and your antagonists look worse.

--Leonardo Vazquez, AICP/PP

Do you have a professional development tip you would like to share? Have a question that you would like to see answered here? Please send it to Leo at vazquezl@rutgers.edu